I just think I need a year of my life to not be hard. I only have three people two of them need space and the other isn't answering and I don't think talking to a stranger will fix it. And I will wake up tomorrow and feel this way and try to talk about it and still feel like the lonely hopeless pos I am. I am so fucking tired I don't have anymore to give. From sexual, emotional, verbal and physical abuse as a kid into early adulthood, and now just being forced to live my adult life as one of the most worse off generations in America, living hungry and burnt out. I will always have to fight for happiness. The next thing you know you're dead You can't get out of your head The next thing you know you're dead You can't get out of your bed Gliding up to heaven central Sliding down to hell if your mental Lets hope it. Ive tried therapy, it didn't help I tried medications they didn't help. What if he did love me back? Would I be happy then? Probably not. How pathetic? I don't forsee a future where im happy. The only thing that makes me happy is a man that isn't sure if he even loves me back. I feel like a lost cause I just want to die but I failed my suicide attempt almost a year ago and am still traumatized from the attempt I dont think I can do it again.
#I am pretending that i am dead full#
I am working full time at a job that pays well and I am going to school this fall. They said they would but seemed annoyed.Im 22. I asked if they could give me until next Friday to think about it, but I really already know I don’t want it. I think I might be the asshole because they approached me with a job opening they know I was interested in and I have basically turned up my nose at it. I told them I would need some time to think about it and they seemed shocked, also somewhat disappointed to be honest. This is terrible but I’m still a bit bitter about my last interview, which I feel like being just a “formality” was a waste of my time. I’m starting to grow wary of the apparent high turnover of that position. So I feel like they are only approaching me because there is no one else. A friend of mine in that department told me that no one else has applied. I know that when you get tapped on the shoulder like this by management, it means you are probably a top contender for the position. They said they wanted me to know it was open and wanted me to know I could go ahead and put in my application.
The position is now open again and I was approached via zoom by my boss and one of the bosses over the new position. I decided I was going to stop wasting my time with this and not apply anymore. I was very disappointed since I had worked very hard to improve myself and was not good enough for them, even after three attempts.
At the start of the interview I was told by the hiring manager that this interview would just be a formality, as they have already spoken to a “very qualified” candidate with over 10 years exp, but they wanted to talk to me anyway so I could use this as a learning experience/practice interview. The last time I interviewed, my numbers were all above goal and I thought I had it in the bag. Throughout the process I was working hard to do extracurricular things within the company so I would have new, standout things to talk about the next time I interviewed. When I asked what qualified them more than me, I was told experience. Last year I applied for an internal position at my company three times and was rejected each time for “more qualified external” applicants.
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